I: Breaking into advertising -- Was I really put on this earth to do ads? -- School daze -- What's a good ad, anyway? -- Portfolio preparation: like giving birth, only more painful -- Getting a job in this lifetime: it can be done -- Internships: purgatory, rip-off, or free education? -- What place is right for me? -- II: You're chosen one. Now what? -- Money--not that you care about that -- Fear and self-loathing: snap out of it -- Brainstorming techniques (you're going to need them) -- Awards. Yes, they matter. How the judges decide -- Boss problems: try not to kill him. Or sleep with him -- Partner problems: do you need counseling, a divorce, or a gun? -- Copywriting -- Art direction -- Account executives: they're people, too -- Identity crisis -- Am I in the wrong place? -- Ethics in advertising: not necessarily an oxymoron -- CD life (be careful what you wish for) -- Women: the vanishing act -- Age(ism): is 39 the new 65? -- Staying sane in an insane business -- Miscellaneous: the best chapter of any book -- Strangest questions: maybe even better than miscellaneous -- III: But wait, there's more! The gurus share years of collective wisdom, and embarrassing photos -- What I know now that I wish I'd known then -- What I look for in a junior -- A century ago, we were juniors, too.